Health & fitness

Inside the mind of a tapering runner.

One week into taper. One week until the London Marathon. Here’s what my mind looks like.

“I feel AMAZING. I’m going to ace this marathon. Lemme at it.

I’m too over-confident; I’m going to embarrass myself.

Will blue Rock Tape be overkill with my blue vest?

Please don’t be a hot day. The Rock Tape tan lines will be too ridiculous to bear.

Maybe I’m worrying about the wrong things?

My legs feel sooo good right now. I really shouldn’t ruin that by running on them.

Taper is so much fun. I want to do another marathon just for this part.

Today is supposed to be a slow run. Take it easy. Okay maybe a little bit faster. Oh shoot, that was too fast. I’m not going to recover from this run in time for the marathon. I’ve blown my chances. Idiot.

If I get a wedgie during the race I won’t be able to sort it out – there are crowds EVERYWHERE. And what if it gets caught on TV camera?

I bet the tunnels are just full of de-wedging runners.

It’s 5am. Why am I awake? Why am I checking the long-range weather forecast? Ooh overcast and cool. Stay like that please.

Whoever was in charge of making marathon season coincide with Hot Cross Bun & Chocolate Egg season deserves a medal.

Fuck, this sugar crash is intense.

As of April 24th I am never eating another jelly baby as long as I live.

Man, I feel like a whale. A fresh-legged whale but a whale nonetheless.

Shit. I’m coughing. I’m getting ill. Where’s the bubble wrap?”




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